Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Auto XP

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash........ twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the highway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off .

PS - I'd like to add that when all else fails, you could call 'customer service' in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself!


  1. have nearly fallen off the sofa with laughter!


  2. Ahhh, brilliant! I wish I was brave enough to get a Mac next, but at the university it causes problems interfacing with all those PCs.

    Thankfully Bill Gates keeps redeeming himself and his nightmarish engineering by pouring money into disease intervention globally. Every time something stupid happens on my laptop, I think, God bless him!

  3. 5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

    Not anymore....

  4. Well, there's some truth in that, although my luck has not run that bad. I guess I have been lucky, knock on wood. Bill gates is actually quite brilliant, I think. I don't know enough about Apple to comment, but I'm sure they're brilliant too. Some people swear by them, so there must be something in it.

  5. This is so wonderfully true. I am a former Mac fanatic currently relegated to using a PC

  6. MA: me too

    Ruth: yes, he is generous, but that's not what I think when something stupid happens to my pc

    Jazz: really?

    Irene: I've been curious to try out a Mac

    Ian: that must be a little confusing

    Maggie May: and can you relate to these problems?

  7. What about, "If you are driving along and a bug gets in your motor, you will pay an expert a lot of money to try to save your engine and then you will have to buy a new car."

  8. Geewits: you never run out of stories, do you!!

  9. "General Motors USA recently issued a for-real press release stating they were on the brink of bankruptcy" -
    fortunately the local Antwerp, Belgium GM plant is safe, since it builds compact, high efficiency cars.

    Europeans never understood the need to drive a gas-guzzling Hummer on a US street: they look like Irak war vehicles...

    On topic: Windows Vista sure is a pain:
    I need a new laptop and XP is no longer on sale.

    Shame that Apple is just another "buyer lock-in" monopolist.

    Guess we're stuck with Micro$oft...

  10. Peter: I want to get a laptop next, but don't want to lose XP for Vista.

    (and I've never understood the appeal of the Hummer, or most SUVs for that matter)

  11. Well, a lot of this is true, but...Cars can be just as finnicky! And getting it fixed is NOT that easy....! Going to "the dealer" is such a crap might as well be calling a Foreign Country. LOL!

  12. I've seen this before, but it's hilarious. And yet Bill is fithy rich, while the auto industry is standing around with cap in hand...hmmmm

  13. Too true!
    I have never understood the need for those huge vehicles with 4 wheel drive, that Mum & kids just tootle round their suburban streets & use for grocery carts. Aussies are manaics for them too!

  14. I've had my MacBook for almost 4 months, but it has already been in the shop, fortunately under warranty. My old iMac, which I had for 7 years, required repairs only three times. I've never had a PC, so how does this frequency of repaires compare?

  15. I support all jokes at Bill Gate's expense. We have suffered....why shouldn't he?

  16. How true. Wish I'd had have the brains to think up that one.

    CJ xx

  17. Thanks for stopping by!

    And that cat is freaking me out. It's watching me. I think it's winking at me. I'm pretty sure it is plotting to take over my computer, like Windows.

  18. Naomi: finding a good mechanic is a must. and difficult.

    XUP: good point.

    Meggie: I sneer at them.

    Pinklea: there are all those constant updates...

    Squirrel: touche

    Crystal: we need a committee of comedians in our heads.

  19. Kylie: it has a menacing purr, too!

  20. Violetsky, it's a funny one no matter how many times I see it.

    Re laptop, forget not having Vista, it's everywhere. Unless you get a Mac, you're stuck with Vista. You'll learn a few new choice words, I guarantee you...


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