Tuesday, June 16, 2009

where I think about friendship

I had an email from an old friend a few weeks ago. I'd actually forgotten we had exchanged email addresses, otherwise I would have fired off a "hello, how are you" letter long ago. Whenever I thought about phoning, the time difference seemed to get in the way. I am so bad at keeping in touch. It's sad, really.

Then on Sunday, I was at a reunion, of sorts. For the past couple of days, I've had little sleep as my mind whirls around old memories, old feelings ... seeing older faces ... remembering. Normally, a reunion would fill me with dread - a forced interest in people from the past and the inevitable comparisons. This was different.

The church I used to attend for much of my 20s and 30s has decided to disband, which is sad, but inevitable. So many people have moved away, myself included. An afternoon of celebration, and a final goodbye was planned. People came by from hours away. Broad smiles, wide eyes at recognition, warm hugs. Some people, it was enough just to see them again one more time. With others, phone numbers and email addresses were exchanged. No real reason for losing touch over the years. We all moved on; eventually, you start thinking too much time has passed. But on Sunday, for at least three old friends, it was as if the last years were just a blip. Plans have been made to get together. One friend who moved to a farm, and I haven't seen for 25 years, delivers meat to a restaurant just blocks from my place. I've invited her to rest up at my place before her long drive back home, and she's invited me to the farm to visit and see the lambs and chickens.

And if you thought that is all, you'd be wrong. Last week, I ran into an old high school friend. She recognized me in a restaurant and came over... both of us living in a different city from where we went to school, and 30 years older. She plans to have a bbq sometime this summer with other friends she keeps in touch with. So in July, another sleepless weekend while my mind whirls with a different set of old memories, old feelings.

All of them good. In a time warp sortof way.

29 comments:

  1. There is something comforting about being in touch with people from your past, who knew you in a previous life almost. I've had a few of those occasions in the last couple of years too, and like you, kind-of dreaded them. But in the end, they all lived up to my expectations and were all worth it. Sounds like yours was too!

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  2. Thats fantastic! I was at a Legal course last year and was sitting next to a woman I went to Boarding school with in another city quite a few years ago! I recognized her but only after she smiled, there was something about it that made me have a "falsh back" and I thought "holy heck, that's Julie!!" and it was. It was like finding an early treasure.

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  3. Since I started on Facebook, I have gotten back in touch with many people from my past that I have been very happy to communicate with again. Of course, the flip side to that are those that I could do without. revisiting old friendships, while more often good than bad, can sometimes be unnerving.

    There are occasions when they can be terrific, such as my upcoming reunion of my old paramedic department (which you already know about) from Brooklyn in about 10 days. I can't wait to see so many of these people again that meant so much to me, and with whom I shared an experience not many could fathom.

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  4. Oh, btw, is the homepage pic of the lilacs from the festival?

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  5. Hope that most old memories are good.

    It is fun to meet old friends - a few day I run into a boy I had been dating 19 years ago...,

    I am now happy married and have 3 kids but he was still single... (maybe he miss me...)

    /Maria Berg, Sweden

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  6. I think it's great that you've had the opportunity to meet up with old friends and make them new again. I think they are the most valuable thing we can have in this life.

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  7. That's really nice. I will go to bed with a big smile on my face. Happy times, happy memories.

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  8. Pinklea: yeah, I hadn't really thought about the church thing much - I guess, I just figured it'd be like going to a church function where'd we'd be polite and do the rounds of small talk. And two of the people I reconnected with I hadn't even considered would be there, so that was a true surprise.

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  9. Sagittarian: I would not have recognized my old high school friend at all had she not said something (and called me by my old nickname) which is strange as she is Korean so you'd think she'd stand out a little more in my faces memory!

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  10. Mr Nighttime: funny, but Facebook and looking up old friends does not interest me at all. I guess the spontaneity of these meetings is what makes them special.

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  11. Maria: I actually remember little of high school... and I think that remembering the past for me, misty as it is, makes it seem much happier than it maybe was. Or maybe I should have appreciated it more? That would be so touching if he had regrets!

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  12. LGS: that is so true - and yet we get so lazy, or busy with other things, that keeping in touch often falls by the wayside.

    geewits: I'm glad I could give you something to smile about and maybe prompt pleasant dreams. (don't worry, I won't neglect my new bloggy friends)

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  13. I think lonliness is probably the worst thing in life. Imagine having no one. it does not bear thinking about.

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  14. It's always great to reconnect with old friends, especially ones who knew you when. You don't have to explain who you are and where you came from. I have friends from high school that I stay in contact with. Some often, some not so often. It doesn't matter. We just take right up as if it's only been a day or two since we saw each other last. Connections of the heart. They don't break.

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  15. Ken: I agree, and actually fear being old with no friends left (because I was too lazy to pick up a pen or the phone)

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  16. Susan: yes, those connections are to be cherished. I have only one friend from high school that I keep in touch with. We'll see what happens when I catch up with these others in the summer.

    Though, it is funny, isn't it, because [I at least] feel as if I have changed so much since those days...

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  17. Funny, I can't think of anyone from my past that I'd like to be seeing again. I'm not quite sure just how pathetic that is.

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  18. I think it's nice to catch up with old friends who you haven't seen for many years, but in your own time and your own space. A reunion with others is my idea of a nightmare whereas recently I have got in touch with 2 people I knew more than 20 years ago. One of whom I am meeting for lunch this coming Saturday.

    CJ xx

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  19. Wow, I'd like a reunion like that! It makes me think about my relationships now on the blogs- who will be important to me...

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  20. Ah, that's really cool! It's neat to reconnect with old friends.

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  21. Jazz: that is a little sad. But I also have no real desire to meet any of my former highschool friends, though will go to this bbq out of curiosity and will likely enjoy myself but will not be sad if nothing more comes of it. Or maybe not, who knows.

    Crystal: yes, timing is everything. I really had no plans to try to reconnect with any of these people, but am inwardly thrilled that they suggested another time to get together.

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  22. Very interesting Violet, I really don't run into people in my past much at all. I moved around so much when I was younger it would be pretty hard for me to figure out where anyone was at. ;) But I can see how it would stir up warm feelings for the most part, especially 30 years down the road.

    http://spacialpeepol.blogspot.com

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  23. Jeannette: sometimes, I feel closer to blogfriends than my 'real-life' friends.=, and I think, how sad is that? but I do miss a couple of bloggers who stopped suddenly with no word and wonder what happened and how they are.

    CotW: yes, and I am looking forward to embellishing my life story since highschool to a new audience!!

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  24. Sistertex: I hardly ever run into people from my past either - which is why this past couple of weeks is so amazing and novel!

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  25. First - If your old friend recognized you 30 years later then you must be aging very well!

    I'm terrible at keeping in touch with old friends...no excuse and it is something I regret...I'm not sure why I hold back on this...

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  26. Oliag: I guess I must! Some people just always look the same.

    This has motivated to pick up the phone, or at least to seriously think about it. Like you, I wonder why I hold back...

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  27. It's interesting that as we get older, some of the people from when we were very young creep into our minds and we need to know what happened to them. One of the great things about Facebook is that you can actually find out. Are you on Facebook V? And, on a totally unrelated topic, do you know I sort of dedicated an entire post to you the other day?

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  28. XUP: I do have a Facebook account - though if you were to look me up you wouldn't find much info. Maybe I'll play around with that some rainy day and see who I find...

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  29. I love running into old friends (well, except when its an ex-husband).

    what a wonderful time.

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